Listening to her music was chilling. Uncomfortable to venture out of my blanket of security. Music is personal. Each song of my library steeped in a memory. A love affair, experience, trip, a life changing moment. Her music is steeped with such meanings they must mean something to her Hearing the words seeming to give me a larger glimpse into her soul. As I figure out bit by bit who she is, this is the largest portion. I know as the music flows through my headphones that I may very well dream of her again a thought unsettling yet soothing at the same time for I know it will be a great sleep. I will smile. Laughs and giggles will fill the room and a smile will be painted upon my sleeping face. All will lead to me waking to the light coming over the hills. The thought as I awake will come "has she called, texted, sent an email, left a voice mail.... its past 10 on the east coast maybe something is awaiting you on that phone of yours a 'missed call' her name under unread messages" I will be crushed spending the few minutes before the bundles of joy that keep me so occupied all day awake getting my morale up. The kids who are my job keep my mind off of her. keep me from thinking of the 3,500 miles that separate us. The unspoken words and the things we have not done. The places I want to go with her. The things I want to show her. The true self I want to expose to her unfiltered by cell towers or the hum of my computers hard drive. She comes to me in thoughts throughout my day as I drive down the freeway but it gets bad when I am sitting in traffic. But I write this listening to her music. Enjoying it. Hearing the words. Scared to like it but I do. Similar to my fear of further loving her, only to wake up to nothing maybe next morning.